Cvetanova's Page

Years ago while stadied, I collapsed on my first visit in the operating room, but I stood still in the mortuary. I guess it sounds cynically. Then I spent 15 years working in a Surgical ward, facing life and death every single day.

I still do.

A woman with a mental disease ignited herself - died 72 hours after; 11 years old boy with a bowels cancer - teaching his mother how to pray - died 40 days after the opperation; a 26 years old pregnant woman with a first baby - came with mild contraction… Continue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY53Rk-6-3I

All my life I feel like an alien amongst the others. I was scared of it, I pushed myself to change, I made tens (maybe hundreds, thousands compromises) with myself, I still do it and it's not only a statement, I still judge myself about it.

But I can't help it... I never used to like talking let say e.g. about a fashion, gossiping, kniting, make up, trying to copy film stars, etc ;so I couldn't feel comfortable amongst female's company. I used to feel extremely uncomfortable in male's company b… Continue

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself live within sociaty's boundary and accept it as the only possible place to live in.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frightened of the emptiness, developed for the last 8 years inside.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself suffering from this emptiness ,insted to be happy I managed not to replace the peace within me with some usesless desires.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and… Continue

Work, bath, bed...work, bath, bed...work, bath, bed...to a state to become a robot.

How many and what great constant efforts I have done to assist the programme to keep this robot active. Copying all the rest of the robots - being a small 'person', having a 'small' partner, living in a small 'safe home' with small thoughts, yet with great desires, dreams and hopes... Yeah - bunch of craps, as a friend of mine said ones to me.

Shame on me! But to be honest, it's not the shame, but the pain in m… Continue