PROCESS LIFE

SELF-REALIZATION as LIFE as EQUALITY & ONENESS

Cvetanova

Cvetanova's Blog (10)

Pain and Blame

Years ago while stadied, I collapsed on my first visit in the operating room, but I stood still in the mortuary. I guess it sounds cynically. Then I spent 15 years working in a Surgical ward, facing life and death every single day. I still do. A woman with a mental disease ignited herself - died 72 hours after; 11 years old boy with a bowels cancer - teaching his mother how to pray - died 40 days after the opperation; a 26 years old pregnant woman with a first baby - came with mild contraction… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on March 6, 2009 at 12:10am — No Comments

ME

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY53Rk-6-3I Continue

Added by Cvetanova on March 5, 2009 at 12:45pm — No Comments

Me as an alien

All my life I feel like an alien amongst the others. I was scared of it, I pushed myself to change, I made tens (maybe hundreds, thousands compromises) with myself, I still do it and it's not only a statement, I still judge myself about it. But I can't help it... I never used to like talking let say e.g. about a fashion, gossiping, kniting, make up, trying to copy film stars, etc ;so I couldn't feel comfortable amongst female's company. I used to feel extremely uncomfortable in male's company b… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on March 5, 2009 at 12:58am — 3 Comments

I forgive myself...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself live within sociaty's boundary and accept it as the only possible place to live in. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frightened of the emptiness, developed for the last 8 years inside. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself suffering from this emptiness ,insted to be happy I managed not to replace the peace within me with some usesless desires. I forgive myself that I have accepted and… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on March 3, 2009 at 2:30am — No Comments

Standing against the robot

Work, bath, bed...work, bath, bed...work, bath, bed...to a state to become a robot. How many and what great constant efforts I have done to assist the programme to keep this robot active. Copying all the rest of the robots - being a small 'person', having a 'small' partner, living in a small 'safe home' with small thoughts, yet with great desires, dreams and hopes... Yeah - bunch of craps, as a friend of mine said ones to me. Shame on me! But to be honest, it's not the shame, but the pain in m… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on March 2, 2009 at 1:30am — No Comments

Listen with me

http://www.imeem.com/iacbabe/music/cFIRMgbw/shalimar-sector-garden-of-lust/ Continue

Added by Cvetanova on March 1, 2009 at 12:00am — No Comments

TETE-A-TETE

It's Saturday. I'm alone. I've prepared a meal, spent an hour and little bit more, set it up nicely on the table and got a glass of wine. No TV, no PC, no music. Twilight and silance... and me...and 'ME'. Hm...feels crowdy. I can lock the door, isolate myself amongst the walls, but a presence is there, I can not get rid of it. It is in me, it is ME!!! I have no power enough to ignore it or isolate from it...yet. It's a vicious circle. And it is difficult to break its line... I forgive myself t… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on February 28, 2009 at 11:00pm — No Comments

Learning to forgive myself...

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be a victim. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to love myself. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to love myself unconditionally. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to accept me for who I am. I forgive myself that I have not considered myself important. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to consider myself not worthy. I forgive myself that I have been afraid.I forgive myself that I have let the… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on February 27, 2009 at 11:30pm — No Comments

Listen with me

http://www.imeem.com/people/_JToB2q/music/AhsndAnT/yiddu_delhi_tender_touch/ http://www.imeem.com/people/0sKVFy9/music/c5kaZJCC/mastermind_wanna_give_you_shelter/ http://www.imeem.com/rainer58/music/Y9dvVzPG/jason_tyrello_what_the_memories_say_sunfade_mix/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB5akMXV9hM&feature=PlayList&p=207B7E3A51C3EC12&index=3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TukAPkmiko http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1nTEN9FVw4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zim3PT1VNU8 Continue

Added by Cvetanova on February 21, 2009 at 10:00pm — No Comments

My very first Self-Forgiveness

21/02/2009 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend decades creating a person, I am not. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to live up to other's expectations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape from the resposnsibility to be my real-self. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store moments as memories and believe them to be real, valuable and important. I forgive myself that I have a… Continue

Added by Cvetanova on February 21, 2009 at 9:00pm — No Comments

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