I found PROOF of SPITEFULNESS

[Bella B.]

we, human beings, are looking for proof in life (this in itself is ridiculous but let´s skip this point for a moment).
if we don´t find proof for let´s say ´god´ then we will find ´proof´ in science or create our own theories that ´prove´(i.e. justify) our existence. within this mindf*ck each is ´god´.


spitefulness as a point to look at was opened up on the desteni forum in relation to different aspects of participation in what we call life. as i observed myself, i was ´delighted´ with what i found. i found proof for spitefulness.

looking at both words (proof and spitefulness) as well as both in relation to each other:


proof

proof sounds like poof
if you think cartoons: ppoofff, that´s the sound of something disappearing... so as soon as you have proof you can be almost certain you just missed the point... lol

"trying to prove myself" was a subtle point for me to see, because i had become it to such a degree that it was my nature. i was it, therefore i wasn´t seeing it.
i am grateful to all and everything that reflected me back to me for me to see.
now changing myself so that i live me, express me as all as one as equal and direct me in/as self-movement and self-nurturing -which implies actually STOPPING myself from existing of the starting point as ´proving myself´/´being or becoming something´- is a cool challenge and practically a constant self-application.

flag points for me are definitely self-judgment and ´wanting to change´ -both relating to self-definition which is the ´demise point´ in itself -because instead of simply being Life and living, ´I AM` this or `I AM´ that...
within wanting to change, it is implied that self-judgment exists and accepted self-definitions of the past exist, and then i would merely be creating ´new´ personalities/behaviors (projection ´there´) -and not actually stopping and directing myself (me Here).




spitefulness

spitefulness is a very interesting point
for me it opens up the obvious-ness of what is really going on
and once you´ve seen spitefulness in one aspect of self
you can see it everywhere
it IS everywhere
and indeed -it is self that we spite and through ´others´ as self (others representing our points of separation; in others we see what we´ve separated ourselves from within ourselves)



the drive of ´the one´ is spitefulness
the expression of ego is spitefulness
the re-ward of self-interest is spitefulness
the sound of separation is spitefulness


you can see it everywhere, you can see it in little things: the look of an eye, a gesture, a body movement, tonality, words.
i can see it in my thoughts - i realized that the starting point of my thoughts as the consciousness system is spitefulness.
one really only needs to observe one´s thoughts for a day in self-honesty to realize that.
once that is clear, we really have no excuse for further participation in our conditioned thoughts, moods, perceptions -the mind bubble of ´the one´; the ´one´ that is precious, that is special, that is good, better, god.

whether one perceives self as superior or inferior makes no difference - spitefulness is the ´gift´ (german Gift=poison) to make sure one remains in that ´one´ placement/self-definition one is programmed to defend.


the antidote is in the stopping.
where in my thoughts am i poisoning self?
i stop.
where in my words am i poisonous to all as one as equal?
i stop.
where in my deeds am i poisoning and harming life?
i stop.
where in my non-action am i accepting the poisoning of Life?
i stand up.


in practical application, ´spitefulness´ is ´easy´ to relate to self if one dare. spitefulness is a ´sharp´ indicator: if you want to see it, you can´t miss it.
now whenever i feel unclear, uncomfortable, shitty etc. within myself, whenever i get a nasty taste within my being - i look at / investigate what i am being spiteful of/towards. then, in the clarity of what i see in the moment as me, i have no choice but to stop.

so how i look at it: the real, actual gift of ´spitefulness´ is its immediacy in relation to self (you FEEL it) and in relation to time (stop HERE NOW).