MONEY & Me - and Why EQUAL MONEY for ALL can change the world

[Bella B.]

I grew up thinking “Money doesn’t Matter” and I really deliberately made myself believe it, I wanted to believe this so much. How can Money matter, it´s not fair, Life is what matters! That is what I saw as a child and so I created this belief, not being able to see how Money rules the world and what Money actually stands for.
Or: actually it was seeing how Money does rule the world and separating myself from this Reality, not seeing a way to change it.


My belief that "Money doesn´t Matter" was a coping mechanism - a form of suppression and denial, actually out of helplessness: this can´t be real! this can´t be!

Money was what actually the struggle in the family was about, and who knows if all other ´family issues´ did not actually emerge from the point of money...

I was brought up to perceive I have everything and that my family stand stable - but I also remember understanding that my parents had worries about money and were limited in their expression and their ´freedom´ because of money. And I remember how this created a discrepancy within me - I wondered: okay we do seem to have everything, so why is there worries and stress and limitation and self-sacrifice for and about money?
At the same time I saw on TV children dying in Africa - and I really didn´t understand. How can we worry, how can we want more, when others are starving.


Growing up, I came to hate money, because I saw that Money was the point that divided people, it was the point in which people would deceive, would compromise themselves and self-honesty for; I saw that most people placed more value on money than in Life itself.

I was angry at that, but in fact I was angry at myself because I felt helpless and powerless within it all, believing that this is the world, this is my life, and fuck I must take it because...what can I do?

An anger came up inside of me every time I received something - it didn´t feel quite right. I didn´t understand how I ´deserved it´ and most of all I did not understand how come that the ´goodies´ I received were presented to me as ´love´ and I was expected to be happy and grateful and kiss the one back that was giving me a present, a treat, money or an ice cream.

Whenever I received something it was as if the ´giver´ was seeing me as ´something special´, something only they could only see - and I knew I wasn´t that ´something´. Yet slowly but surely I learned how to ´want to be ´something´´ -it creeped in as I more and more accepted what was here.


Growing up I had all kinds of ´special´ extras: piano lessons, singing and harmony lessons, foreign languages, math, swimming and training. Which I am grateful for - yet in order to be now able to be grateful for it, I had to understand and let go of something that came with all that, something I hadn´t seen back then: With all these ´lessons´ and ´treats´, an expectation was placed upon me - an expectation, almost a demand, in terms of who I am supposed to be and become, a certain image, a certain ´purpose´ to fulfill, being no other than ´honoring the family´ and that ´family name´, making my family proud of me and, last but not least: proving myself worthy of all those ´special treats´, proving that I deserve this life. This is a heavy weight to carry for a child - a child that feels there is so much to fulfill and to prove before it can be ´approved´, accepted and loved.

There seemed to be no other way, no other option but to equally accept both what was given to me and what was demanded of me in return. I had no money of my own, a child in this world, I had to depend on my family, I had to make everyone happy, so that at least I can ´survive´ and be more or less ´carefree´.

And so with the time, in spite of that part of me that was equal to Life feeling the absurdity of it all, I allowed myself to accept everything I received, everything that was silently or explicitely demanded from me and take it for granted, accept it as myself.

I never really questioned the point of money. Within the acceptance of it all as it was, I silently accepted the fact that I would always have to submit to someone or something to sustain me, to provide for me. My relationship to Money was pending between: okay thanx I’ll take it - and anger because of how I had to compromise myself: Both were reactive responses, one the polarity of the other; I saw no space for common sense questioning or alternative considerations.


Within this I realize now that I supported self-deception and my parents’ survival struggle - from the perspective that I never shared how I felt about money, how I felt about people placing money before Life, how I felt about seeing how the value of Life was replaced with the value of Money and how that was absolutely unequal and ´unfair´ to my eyes as a child; how I felt about my mother placing value on society, status and ‘higher education’ more than she did on communication, intimacy and self-honesty.

So I ´ended-up´ feeling betrayed by life and my parents – when in fact I had betrayed myself, because I was the one to accept what was presented to me, and we ARE and BECOME what we accept and allow. I am now able to see and forgive and let go and re-establish Life as who I am within myself and my world.

But what can a child do? What can a child do other than accept the reality it is born into, accept what is presented to it and place absolute trust in its parents or family? What option do children really have? None. They become the product of the reality they are born into, they have to accept what is here and grow up fulfilling their parents dreams according to the Money conditions of the family.

So I ´did what I could´ to ´EARN my place´ in this world through trying to become ´worthy´ of my family. I betrayed all opportunity I had to stand up in Self-Honesty as Life and allow myself to see and stand equal to the anger and the hurt for having a ´fate´ to ´fulfill´, the despair for not being able to live who I really am, the urge for Life as who I really am, the burning urge for living, for sharing myself and my truth, for actually being real and making life real as who I really am.

As a child, I felt powerless towards these experiences.

Now I see and I realize: I created this life, I created this world, I created my parents, I created my experiences, I created myself: by accepting the reality I was born into, by taking the values I was presented with for real, by taking life for granted, by allowing myself to compromise myself, who I really am; I didn’t stop any of that, I simply accepted the ´powerlessness´, I accepted the lack of communication, I accepted the hurt, I accepted the absurdness what we call life – I gave up on myself, I gave up on everyone in my world, I gave up on Life: for the sake of ´Survival´.



I forgive myself for accepting powerlessness and submission as myself – instead of standing up to my parents and my world as me and stating that this is not real, I will not accept and allow for us to focus on this that we call life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to adapt to the self-deception and self-dishonesty I faced and accepted it to be me, to be life, to be made real.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself upon facing the fakeness of this world – thinking and believing there’s nothing I can do about it, because if I would, I would be eliminated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents and this world for what I saw and experienced, when in fact I was blaming myself - because I am equal and one as my parents, I am equal and one as this world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my world – from my parents, my friends, my brother, everyone in my world, isolating myself in despair, thinking and believing that: if this is not real, yet I feel something real inside of me, then I must close myself up and protect myself, hide myself from this fake world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to trust myself as life, to trust myself that I will not lose myself and that I don’t have to isolate myself and ´protect ´myself, but instead I can share myself with others, with everyone that are here with me in my world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents, this world, the society –and in the end myself: because, if i am being left alone, if I am not being accepted as I am, then I must be different, then maybe I don’t belong here.

Looking at the experience of isolating and enclosing myself, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if what is here is not me, is not life, is not real, then there must be someone or something out there that is Life as who I am and that also senses the deception we’re living in, the lie we call life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to search for myself and the truth of myself out There – because I had separated myself from what was Here as me – instead of standing up and facing what’s Here, taking responsibility, daring to confront, daring to challenge what was Here with common sense=with that which considers all Life as equal.


Which is in fact what is happening today in this world:

Everyone running away from themselves on an individual level, seeking to find themselves in partners, sex, money, careers; And when they apparently find that something: ´protecting´ themselves in families, groups and religions that actually only separate Life and categorize living being into those that are ´my like´ and those that are not.
And on a global level: humanity relying on an external force – technology, spirituality, science... you name it - to escape this world, this reality, to create an alternate reality, wherever: in some 5th-dimension, on Mars, on the moon, on a private island... Just not Here where we’ve already dumped all our garbage, destroyed our resources, killed our children, abused our animals, dishonored our trees and nature which is ourselves.


Us ´grown-ups´ can forgive ourselves - give Self back to Self - and take back the self-directive power as who we really are in Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility as Life for all Life.

But we must understand that this does not yet solve the problem of this world, this reality. The children being born in this world place their whole trust unconditionally on us that are here before them. We hold their lives in our hands. Remember how you became who you are, remember how Money limited your freedom of expression and ´made you´ compromise Self-Honesty, compromise Life to ´fit into this world´. Remember the hurt you felt when no-one could see who you really are. Remember how you asked yourself if this is really supposed to be life.

We don´t have to accept this.
We don´t have to sustain this.
We don´t have to exist like this.
We don´t have to be powerless.

We are powerless because we give our power away to Systems - to those that only see and care for power; those that were elected to govern and lead us and always obviously failed - because what is always being fed and cared for is One thing: the System and those that were born into ´system-compatible´ and ´system-friendly´ environments; These are closed systems of the System that have only one interest: to ensure the survival of that One. The starving exist for them to have more, the wars exist for them to sustain themselves.

The fact that there is enough food in the world for all and still half of the world is starving - must say something to us all about what we allow ourselves to place faith into and trust our lives with.

We must change.


Equal Money for All from Birth to Death would give everyone an equal opportunity for Self-Honesty, Self-Expression and Life.

This world is too corrupt - people get lost in the search for ´the ones to blame´- We are ALL equally responsible: those that deliberately deceived Life for perceived ´power´ AND those who accepted and allowed this to happen because they perceived they had no ´power´. And look: the ´power´ lied in the Money.

Equal Money for All will equalize this Mess we have created and allowed and called ´life´;
How? Equal Money for All equals Unconditional Forgiveness for all by all as all - it brings all and everyone to One Equal Point Here, to start again.

And those that place power and self-interest/greed before Life, before Self-honest Self-Expression, before what is actually Real Here - will only have their like to compete with in their addiction to the stimulation of competition - until they STOP - so that All may actually Live and express and expand and explore and cultivate what Life really is.

With Equal Money for All there can be no more struggle for Survival - all will be able to live, eat, shit and clean the shit. With Equal Money for All, we make a Statement for Equal Life and Equal Responsibility IN FACT.
No-one can say they didn´t have a chance to make the best out of themselves. With Equal Money for All all will have the same ´power´ and thus power will be no more.

With Equal Money for All from Birth to Death: all greed, power, comparison/competition, abuse and fear/survival may slowly but surely dissipate into thin air as we Self-Realize Life as Equality in fact - and we will truly, actually, have for the first time the Means and the Time to Express and dis-cover who we Really are as Life.